ICP to $38 by 2031? Yeah, and I'll Be King of England

Okay, so some "analysts" are saying Internet Computer (ICP) could hit $38 by 2031. Thirty-eight bucks. Let's be real, that's like saying my grandma's rotary phone is gonna be the next iPhone. I mean, sure, anything could happen, but are we really betting our rent money on it?

The article throws around phrases like "groundbreaking blockchain network" and "scalable, efficient, and secure decentralized applications." Right. That's what every crypto project claims before it crashes and burns, leaving a trail of broken dreams and empty wallets. Remember when everyone was gonna be rich off NFTs? How'd that work out?

And get this: they say ICP is down 99% from its all-time high. 99 PERCENT! That ain't a dip, that's a freakin' Mariana Trench-level plunge. But hey, "current price levels provide a good buying opportunity," they chirp. Translation: "Please, for the love of God, someone buy our bags so we can unload."

The "Future" of the Internet... Or Just Another Pump and Dump?

They're dangling this carrot of a decentralized internet, where ICP somehow transforms the whole damn thing into a "global, decentralized computer." Sounds amazing, right? Like something out of a William Gibson novel. But let's break this down. Decentralized anything is a pain in the ass. Try organizing a potluck with ten people, let alone a global network. Who's in charge? Who fixes it when it breaks? And more importantly, who's gonna stop the inevitable tide of cat videos and conspiracy theories?

This whole thing reminds me of when my buddy tried to convince me that his "revolutionary" new coffee maker was gonna change the world. It made coffee, sure, but it also required like, twelve different steps and a PhD in engineering to operate. He's back to using a Mr. Coffee now.

The article even admits that ICP's success "depends heavily on the adoption of its technology and the broader market environment." Well, duh. Everything depends on those things. That's like saying a car's success depends on having wheels and an engine. Thanks for the insight, Nostradamus.

Speaking of adoption, where are all these dApps everyone's supposedly building? I'm not seeing a whole lot of killer apps that are gonna pull people away from TikTok or Instagram. Are they even out there?

Oh, offcourse you can buy ICP on Binance, Coinbase, etc. That's always a great sign, isn't it? When the only thing propping up a cryptocurrency is the ability to trade it on a bunch of exchanges.

Extreme Fear and Overbought Signals: A Match Made in Crypto Heaven

The technical analysis is hilarious. "RSI above 70 indicates overbought conditions, suggesting a short-term pullback." So, basically, it's gone up a lot recently, so it's probably gonna go down soon. Groundbreaking stuff. Then the Fear & Greed Index is at "Extreme Fear." Translation: Everyone's terrified, but some people are hoping to get rich quick.

And these price predictions! They're just pulling numbers out of their asses. $10.77 in 2025? $23.39 in 2028? $38.01 in 2031? It's like they're using a random number generator and slapping a dollar sign on the end. Give me a break. I can predict the price of ICP: it'll either go up, down, or sideways. You heard it here first. These predictions are similar to those outlined in this ICP price prediction 2025, 2026, 2027-2031 article.

Then again, maybe I'm just being a cynical jerk. Maybe ICP really is the future of the internet. Maybe I'll be eating my words in 2031 while sipping champagne on my private island, all thanks to my wise investment in Internet Computer. But honestly... I doubt it.

Another Crypto Dream Dying a Slow, Painful Death